Premise #1:

In the early chapters of my growth, I scribed this onto my mind:

“I have no fear for failure, except when it drags other people into it.”

It was my attempt to strike the balance between ambition and empathy, two brand new concepts that introduced themselves to me almost side by side at that point in life.

And it has been responsible for many big and small decisions I’ve made ever since, in arguably good and bad ways.

It was the reason I turned down many opportunities and leadership positions. It was the reason behind the barren wasteland of my resume. On my lowest days, it was one of the reason I was reluctant to carry on meetings with my supervisors when I didn’t feel capable of not being late and put their time to waste. But on the flipside, it was the reason I threw myself headfirst without a second thought into the furthest place possible from my comfort zone and eventually managed to transform it into a new outpost for one. It was the reason I chose to go through the second cringe teenage phase in my fourth semester, just to relearn what I’ve been missing in the first one, which I still believe to this day as my greatest accomplishment to my growth as a person.

So, the mindset works, albeit with some downsides. It accelerates my growth; it also hinders it. But the evidence of the former doesn’t justify the existence of the latter, right? And besides, I haven’t really look deep enough into it.

Is it an expression of noble selflessness, or distrust towards others’ capabilities to bear your failure? Is it the Ego in disguise, saying others don’t possess as much mental resilience as yours?

Premise #2:

Someone said that society is a system built upon shame.

People go about their day with assumptions that others will have enough shame not to do theft, or to invade their privacy. When those assumptions are disproven, that can only mean one thing: the person lacks shame, and we will make sure that soon will no longer be the case for them.

Synthesis:

The other ingredient, society is built upon trust.

We trust other people that they do have and will adhere to their sense of shame. We trust other people to be able to deal with our mistakes we unintentionally spilled over them, to understand that it was the stubborn residue of our effort to control things we can control. And ultimately, in our carefully made, poorly expressed apology, we trust them with their choice to, or not to, forgive.

And once you realize that they operate under the exact same principle, once they trust their decision to be onboard with yours which may or may not end up good for them, will you do the same for them?